In the end

Merry christmas everybuddy!! This post gonna be some of my short-random post of the day.
Well, gue sekarang lg nginep di cibubur, rumah cici gue. What actually I'm doing here?

I'm trying to escape from reality. That's all explained.
Life recently taught me a lot of thing about "ikhlas"

Ketika gue nerima rapot gue dan ternyata ranking gue turun lagi (ke ranking 17) padahal i spent the rest of this semester studied hard. Gue harus ikhlas dan nrimo kalo ternyata perjuangan gue gak selaras dengan hasil akhir.

Atau ketika pas turnamen kemarin tim gue gagal meraih juara pertama dan harus puas di juara ke dua. Harus ikhlas juga, karena yang berjuang bukan gue seorang, tapi 9orang yang berambisi sama. Namun, semesta memang belum ridha.

Atau ketika gue harus ikhlas menerima kenyataan. Gue harus ikhlas menerima fakta kalau he's not supposed to be mine, at this time.

Gue balik lg ke masa-masa dimana gue harus bangun dan memulainya lagi dari awal. I should move on, again. Akhirnya gue tau alasan retorik kenapa manusia diturunkan di bumi.

Because they're supposed to repeat the same mistake. At this point, the same mistake itu adalah jatuh cinta.

Lo tau, dalam setiap hubungan ada unrevealed tray between yours yang entah bakal misahin kalian berdua atau justru berpisah-untuk-menikah. Dan kalaupun lo berujung pada opsi pertama, you will feel the pain beneath your chest, but in the end lo bakal mengulangi kesalahan yang sama kan ? Fall in love with another guy. That's how life works.

These are some of my direct message on twitter while curhat with my bestie

"I know this way torturing me but I can't find another way to love him but this. Sometimes I wonder why we didn't met at the right time"

"Only if I had a choices. But right now I have nothing. I just have my own believe to lead me into the path i supposed to walk in"

"The way she was so calm when knew the man cheated behind her. I wonder what He introduce me as?"

"I'm afraid men doesn't works that way. He might said that I'm the bitch whose chase over him"

"You know, men always take their dignity over the top"

"The only thing could make me stay is our good irreplaceable memories"

"How bad his attitude towards me, how nyebelin his mood swing, I always remember the time we were a great couple"

Sounds so pathetic right? :')

Seandainya aja, i didn't take your invitation on September 9th. I won't have this feeling inside my heart. I won't feel the emptiness you left between my chest and tummy. The feeling which so torturing and blow up my sanity.

It'll be easier if we just a friend from now and back then. I don't need to deal with your moodswings, I don't need to deal with "rollercoaster" feeling you gave. And I don't have to deal with my current position.

Posisi gue sekarang *please ini bukan doggy style atau 69, get it serious now* is so hard to explain and you wouldn't understand. In the end, pasti semua orang akan nge judge gue. Pasti.