Saint or Sinner

Hello, maybe this gonna be another random post about my thoughts lately.

How we start it? Well, I’ll let you know that I’ve been living in this planet for 16 years. And through that times, I’ve experienced many things. Sad, happy, memorable, thriller, and so on. Essence of being lived that long is not only collecting a lot of moments, but also doing many acts.

What kind of my personality today is caused of things I’ve done in the past, either it’s a decision or act.

Mostly, I believe in Karma. But there’s also a time I’m not into that stuffs. I often found myself got a fear to make a decision and act because I think karma’s exist. That’s irrational but acceptable for me. But if I just stuck into Karma, I’ll deal with life stack. I can’t hack my life because I stuck into formula “1+1=2, What you’re doing today, will be paid in future”. So, I’m trying to figure out how my life going.

People may be a saint or sinner in front of other, so be it.

Then, why we have to depend on others opinion about ourself? DO they KNOW about our true nature? DO THEY?

How if people see you as a saint? That might be pleasant for sure.

But how if people see you as a sinner? Don’t you mad? Don’t you angry? Is It unacceptable?

Yes, I know the feel of being judged as sinner. I felt bad, worse, losing my faith, and unforgiveable my ownself.

Yes, I did. It was a long time ago before I realized something.

I realized a simple thing. How people see me now, depends by their point of views and how I treat them. 

They’ll see me as saint if I treated ‘em nicely. They’ll see me as sinner if I betray them.

Isn’t it so ironic? You’re being judged by HOW YOU treat THEM. In the ends, everything back to your action.

For me, I’m not afraid judged as a sinner. Because my life nowadays, created by what I’ve done in the past. Neither it’s a bad or even good things, this is what universe created me. I keep living as myself, bring along my tag and face the world. I don’t wanna back to nutshell again and keep my fragile side.

This is how my fate cross over me. So, I’ll live as a sinner then. Why not? I’m the one who made this self. Why should I hate my own life? At least, God knows who truly I am J